Usually I am more than happy to lend an ear to a friend or offer my two cents, but in some situations I am frozen to the spot and know not what to say or do to help.
The situation in question today was one that strikes a chord closest to my heart as it is one of my biggest fears. It did not involve me personally but one of my closest friends, who was suddenly called home to attend to her ailing parent who had suffered a number of serious health issues over the past few days. "Home" under ordinary conditions would not be a big deal to most, but for her it involved booking a last-minute one-way flight. Within minutes of being informed of this shocking news, she had to put her emotions on hold to think logically of her next few steps.
I cannot imagine how she is feeling right now as she is alone on that plane, hoping for the best but likely expecting the worst. When your wish is to be there in time to say goodbye, you know that things are looking grim; and that is a situation I would not wish on anyone, let alone someone I care for so dearly.
About five years ago my mom received similar news about her younger brother in Hong Kong a week before a big family reunion trip was to begin. At the time, I can only remember helping her book her flight ASAP, helping her pack, and making sure we drove her to the airport on time. I was half-in-denial that something bad would happen, and half-compartmentalizing and not wanting to deal with those emotions. In the months prior, I had chosen not to speak with my uncle on the phone because I didn't know what to say and, even if I tried, I thought I wouldn't know how to articulate these murky thoughts into another language. I don't know how my mom dealt, and when I think about it I still don't know how she has accepted the loss of a younger sibling. I also don't know how I let my sensitivity make me appear so very insensitive.
Love is a many splendored thing; Life is a gift, your one chance to be; and Death, well, Death is the feared, the unknown, the unwanted. The only thing scarier than thinking that you will one day cease to live is to think that one day, one of your loved ones will no longer be there to talk to, to laugh with, to hold. That they will only live on in your memories of him/her, and that those memories are an inexact facsimile of that person, with an ink that fades with time in a filing cabinet that isn't alphabetized in a room with restricted access.
All we can do is wait and hope. And all I can do right now is hope for a miracle for my friend's family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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