No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Instead I praise you for having low expectations. It shows that you've been learning from my school of thought.
I am feeling restless lately. It's hard to focus at work and it's not that I want to stay home all day or anything, but I'm getting whiffs of that scent--the kind that allures you and you can't quite place, but you know you've smelled it before. In this case it's the tail-end of the kite I can identify as Adventure. I'm chasing it and it's so close that I can feel the small gust of wind it creates as it evades my grasp.
What sparked this sensation was the monotonous and predictable tone my daily life has adopted, and it isn't without its charms. This is home, comfort, ease. It's also impregnable boredom, occasional isolation, and the silent killer of drive.
And you know what else has been lacking in the past couple of weeks? Passion. Ever since I watched the Met Auditions I have felt ostracized from the warm glow of opera. I seem to have lost the will to even keep it as a character in my dreams. The thought of singing makes me feel hollow, and I think it's because I was confronted with the proof that I was nowhere near good enough.
It's silly when I think about it because it's like comparing apples and oranges. Everyone I watched that day was enrolled in an opera program. They had the benefits of constant practice, critique, and they are enveloped in the atmosphere of music; whereas I have a 45-minute class each week, almost half of which is for warming up. It's just hard when such a big part of you, in which rests a faith you allow yourself to get carried away with at times, is checked. It's both humbling and painful. It's necessary. It's a reality-check.
As I stopped typing to think mid-blog, my eyes happened to catch a word on the mug Smeek gave me for my birthday ten years ago.
Libra: Giving - Restless - Trustworthy
Well, if this feeling was fated, I guess I won't mess with fate.
how dare you show the world that cup! While you're away I'll steal it and destroy it :). At least it was accurate that day...
ReplyDeleteby the way, nails look sexy ;)
ReplyDeleteI keep telling you, I use it every day and love it! I can't believe you had forgotten it was your first gift to me.
ReplyDeleteI want to see your naked eyes!
I am disappointed is that all you want to see??
ReplyDelete