CCCX: 60 Years of 媽

Last night brought the culmination of my filial anxieties and fears surrounding the success of my mom's 60th birthday dinner. There were 31.5 guests in total (the 0.5 was my godbrother's 9-month old baby) who came to share the momentous occasion with us. We had an eleven-course set Chinese dinner at Vivacity Restaurant in Richmond (one of my favourite places for dim sum)--but I had no appetite whatsoever. By the second course I could have sat the rest of the meal out--preferably in a dark corner of some sort--because I was both full from a week of eating out with my aunt and nervous about an upcoming as yet unfinished speech (to be honest, I had only jotted down a couple of introductory sentences at best) and a difficult aria that I felt was far from perfection. At some points of the meal I was sure I would spontaneously combust, either from my heart racing or my stomach exploding. And with my mom's eyes full of anticipation as she sat beside me, I could only think "I hope I don't let you down tonight".

Well, great news, friends. She seemed to be really happy by the end of the night. That was everything I could have asked for.

I stood up and attempted to say something during a gap in the meal but immediately burst into tears. I think all I managed to get out between sobs was a thank-you to everyone for being there, something about our family not being one of many words but much love (not even sure if I said the "much love" part!), and about how my mom has always pushed me to be the best person I can be. Then after it was over my mom very confidently and collectedly got up and spoke--and it impressed me to see her speak in public because I don't normally see that side of her. She used a couple of inspiring quotes, thanked everyone for coming, and proceeded to speak a bit about each of the guests and how much they all meant to her. I was floored. I admired her at that moment, not just for being my mother but also for who she is as a person.

I know I often complain about petty disagreements we have or differences in opinion, but at the end of the day those are minuscule speedbumps in this long road of our relationship. She knows me and I know her. She accepts me for who I am while making sure I always aim higher. She grounds me when my head is in the clouds and she encourages me to lift my head when it is weighed down with self-doubt. So maybe she will never give up on pushing Mandarin on me (I won't back down anytime soon) or making me wear foundation when people come over for dinner (when I'm home, I like to feel like I'm at home!); and maybe I will never stop correcting her English, jibing her mild hoarding or extreme picture-taking, and rolling my eyes at her indecision. But I love her! And this is us. Anything else would be otherwise.

A few minutes after mom's speech, she prompted me to sing. And with my face still wet with tears and my throat still wavering with emotion, I stood up and tried to sing my best for her. I thought it ended up being far from my best performance but perhaps one of my most honest. Never again, though, will I allow myself to rely on spontaneity as much as I did yesterday. They say practice makes perfect for a reason.

The highlight of the evening were the moments in which our family got to reconnect with friends we had not seen for awhile, ranging from a few months to over five years ago. I think that being surrounded by people my mom love and admire made it an unforgettable night for her, and as I drove us home I was comforted by her silent smile, an indication of the new memories she would continue to hold dear.