LXII: Fighting Somnus and the Unknown

Does this ever happen to you? You start watching TV because you have nothing better to do (or lots of PVR'd shows to catch up on), and you say to yourself, "Okay, I'll stop watching when this episode finishes." But then three hours later you're still on the couch, stuck between the borders of awake and asleep, probably debating whether to just doze off right there instead of making the gargantuan trek back to your room, and wondering whether your nightly shower will just wake you up instead of helping you fall asleep.

Typically when my friends come over, we have plans to be active, like going for a walk, jog, or in rare cases, swim at the local pool. But then somewhere between lunch and dinner, we just plop ourselves in front of the TV, watch a movie, and before you know it, you've seen two rented movies and one of your own DVDs and are flipping through the channels to buy time and see if anything good is on.

In life, as at home, it's so much easier to stay seated and be a spectator rather than gather the energy to get up and into the game. Your game. You need to put the effort in. You need to be disciplined. You need to have a goal in mind. You need to take risks.

And maybe that is why I am at home on a Friday night watching TV, because I am too scared to set a big-picture goal for myself. Because I am scared that I will invest time and money into something and either fail or realize that it was not what I wanted all along. And also because I cannot for the life of me decide on what that goal should be when there are a few silhouettes taking shape in my head. Come Sunday, maybe one of them will materialize.