It's funny. I've been asked so many times whether I miss Italy. Normally my answer is a quick "no"--I just remember how I felt near the end of my time there: a growing restlessness, slight frustration, lower self-confidence, and general homesickness. I forget how it was in the beginning when I had the rest of it to look forward to. So half an hour ago, I started reading what I had written during my first couple of weeks in Florence, and it all started rushing back to me: my excitement for the unknown, falling in love with the city, feeling on top of the world. Where did it all go wrong?
I think the scary thing about planning and executing these big life changes is that you put all your eggs in one basket, and when the things you wanted to achieve (like gaining clarity or direction) don't happen, you end up feeling even more lost since you feel like you don't have anything else to look forward to. That is how it has been in my head all day today. I keep asking myself questions and trying to figure things out. When everyone around me seems to have found their path, I wonder why I don't even have a map.
My dear Meuve... did our conversation spark this deep reflection? I don't think everyone around you has found their path. I sure haven't! I'm still a wandering nomad :) The only advice I can give you is to be patient with yourself. You took a big risk and lived la dolce vita in Italy, and that is what most people could only dream of accomplishing. And sometimes its good to not have a map--getting lost and finding something unexpected makes a pretty great adventure!
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