Tonight I went back to school for the first time in about a year. I signed up for a couple of courses this winter, one of which started tonight, to continue towards obtaining my editing certificate. I was feeling a mixture of nonchalance and confused anxiety today before heading to class -- nonchalance because this is a required course that I have no particular interest in, and confused anxiety because I was surprised at my own blasé attitude in a situation where I don't know what I'm getting myself into.
The course is titled "Ethics and Legal Issues in Writing and Publishing". I felt like I would be a fish out of water since the courses I prefer are specific to gaining skills/confidence in proofreading or copy editing (my favourite). And as we started the discussion part of class, I relived my UBC ArtsOne days of listening, thinking, and not having much to immediately contribute. I was in a group with friendly and opinionated people, and by that I mean they were in touch with what they thought, had something to say, and said it. I, on the other hand, just cannot thrive in that environment. It isn't to say that I was unresponsive or not interacting--and I did find the discussion much livelier than the lecture--but I need time to let things marinate in my head.
I am 27 years old and often feel like I am put in situations where I am the least experienced or have nothing to contribute. Many a time I believe myself to be a calmer and more mature than most people my age, but when it comes to other environments I catch myself wondering if people will find out that I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.
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