It's funny. You think that travelling halfway around the world will give you that thing you've been searching to be(come), and lo and behold, it was waiting for you back at home the whole time. All you had to do was stop looking.
I've occasionally written (and often whined) about my desire to be more extraverted, my inability to make small talk, being drawkwa, et al., but recent events have shown me that my own hyper-vigilance and paranoia were the very things that hindered me from being this seemingly unattainable person. Being who I am, without compromise; staying true to myself; not trying to be a concept, believed to be the ideal; all these subconscious realizations that are entrenched in cliché have finally shaken me awake from a long, dreamless slumber of heightened self-awareness and scrutiny.
It is extremely liberating to start feeling that I, too, matter. That I am unique. And that not everyone has to agree with me.
Dare I say that I am moving towards becoming a self-actualized person?
No, I don't want to jinx it. But I really hope this realization doesn't fade away. I'd like to believe that this is that sort of confidence that you find and hold onto for the rest of your life.
Nagligivaget
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