I haven't been in the mood to write lately, but as I am finding myself in a state of ennui (Hipster/French for "boredom") at home tonight with a couple of vacation days left, I thought to do a brief update and year in review.
The best news my family received this year was that Giagi could cancel his last chemo treatment due to his body responding so well. We don't know if he's cancer-free yet (we'll find out in January), but we are very hopeful that his health is on the mend. I'm very grateful that we have gotten past his days of hospitalization, as those seemed to be very dark times indeed. And this year has definitely been a trying one.
It all started with my dear cat Chiara's passing on January 28th. I knew that the day would come--I just didn't think that I would have to make such a big decision--nor could I ever have been prepared for the pain of the days leading up to having her put down. It brings tears to my eyes remembering my last few hours with her, and I feel a bit guilty that life carried on so easily after she left. I don't feel her absence unless I try to, which both relieves and saddens me.
Ma told me then that "when God closes a door, He opens a window"--and how right she was. She encouraged me to get out of the house the next day, which is when I met Boy for the first time. And he has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Eleven months later, I can say that I have accomplished one of my life goals--and maybe even a second one, indirectly. So much of my life has changed, most of which has been whom to spend my time with and/or thinking about. It's a bit funny how this once-dreamer is now a daydreamer, and how this once-Simmer is now a liver (not the organ but one who lives! If only that could be phrased more poetically...)
This year was also a romantic one for all of my best friends, especially Numz and Bunny, who each got proposed to in New York this year.
In May, one of my closest family friends passed away after months of hospitalization. We had not expected her to lose that battle as she had gone through far more severe obstacles in her life, so it came as a shock to suddenly have a symbol of love and friendship no longer a presence in our lives. I had met Jessica by chance as an extremely shy and lost thirteen year old, and she quickly became like an older sister to me, more like the Oracle in the Matrix movies than anyone else. She taught me so much about myself and helped bring me and my mom closer, on top of an innumerable amount of priceless gifts. I remember her everyday and will never stop missing her since she was such a huge influence on me.
I found it incredibly cathartic to write her the following poem, which was included in the leaflet at her memorial service.
For Jessica
Healer, sister, hero, friend
I wish that we could meet again
Your calming voice, your attentive ear,
Your laughter which I held so dear.
The stories told, the life you led,
The lives you saved, the places fled
All these and more I knew of you
But more of me you always knew.
A miracle you turned out to be
A gift to all, and selflessly
With wise words spoken and inspiration done
You mended each and everyone.
Dear Jessica, how you will be missed
The reasons an unending list.
Healer, sister, hero, friend
I wish that we could meet again.
It took me a lot of strength to sing through my tears at her memorial service that day, and I hope that she could somehow hear me.
In August, we learned that Giagi had lymphoma. Unfortunately his chemo treatment started out a bit rocky due to complications from his biopsy. He lost a lot of weight and was very weak, and my mom and I got used to the walls of VGH. Cancer suddenly became a part of Giagi's identity as well as a member of our family, and Ma's life as a partial retiree became transformed to that of a caretaker, while I for the most part handled it all in half-avoidance. I tried to keep living my life normally. Looking back, I'm not sure if that was the best approach, though it has kept me relatively sane at moments of intensity.
As 2013 approaches, I am excited for a fresh start, continued self-growth, and some travelling. I am invited to three weddings next year, each of which includes a trip at some point, and look forward to celebrating each occasion with the lovely ladies involved. Which reminds me how incredibly lucky I am to have such wonderful friends in my life!
My resolutions for 2013:
- Do five or more yoga classes per week.
- Move out.
- Have a healthier sleep schedule.
- Blog more.
- Learn.
Let's see what the future holds for us all. I wish you your best year yet.
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