Sleep is for the Strong

It's 2:48AM on a Friday night/Saturday morning and I am here procrastinating from getting a good night's sleep.

The subject of sleep has come up a lot lately in my conversations with people--most commonly, my lack of it. For the past month or so I have been averaging 4-5 hours a night for no particular reason whatsoever. I think about my day and realize that I already have x hours in front of a computer at work--so why would I add onto that at home? Before bed? And then there's the early rising for yoga, which hasn't happened as often as I'd like lately.

I do the math and I don't understand where the time goes. I barely watch TV anymore (with the exception of tonight when I decided to watch SNL, two episodes of New Girl, and one episode of The Office). I also saw Rusalka at UBC tonight, a 3-hour Czech opera based on versions of The Little Mermaid.  So why am I still awake?

After several disjointed bouts of attempted pondering, I have come to the realization that I am trying to distract myself from something--most likely myself. I don't allow myself to really think anymore, at least not the way I used to. I used to crawl into bed and mull over how I was feeling about the day's events or life in general. I can't remember the last time I let myself do this. If I tire myself out enough by staying up later, I can go straight to bed and fall asleep without having to deal with my own thoughts.

The nice thing is not falling asleep to the soundtrack of worries or regrets. The terrible thing is living under your full potential (energy level, memory, mood). Maybe it's time to reinstate daily blogging again to welcome contemplation. Or maybe that will just backfire and bring me back to square one.

For now, I will say this: whoever said that sleep was for the weak is wrong.

Sleep is for the strong.